sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
