she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
