Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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