what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
