5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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