Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
