Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
