I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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