sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
