im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
