Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
