I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
