I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
