Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
