I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
