Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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