It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
