she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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