We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
