I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
