we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
