proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We got so high we made milksteak
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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