so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
