I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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