hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
