remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
