dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
