Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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