I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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