Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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