it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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