i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
