im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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