I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
