I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
