wat bout pragnant strippers??
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
