I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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