I don't usually arrange sex via text message
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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