she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
