get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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