Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
