Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
