I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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