P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
