I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
