I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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