I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
this must be what syphilis tastes like
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
