if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
