took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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