I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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